


The Labyrinth of Paper Towns

by readingaftermidnight



Category: Paper Towns - John Green
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3654804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readingaftermidnight/pseuds/readingaftermidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The love was paper, but the journey was forever. Margo and Q were never destined to be, but fate causes them to cross paths more than once. A take on the iconic road trip Q embarks on, with a slightly different ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Labyrinth of Paper Towns

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the lack of paragraph indentations.

**The Labyrinth of Paper Towns**

_The love was paper, but the journey was forever_

 

Prologue

**Hour Twenty**

“Let’s play metaphysical eye spy,” declares Ben during the lull in the conversation. I look at him and start to say okay but before I get a chance, Lacy interrupts me.

“Hey remember that one time, we were in that minivan and somehow we didn’t die.”

“Yes. I do” says Radar, “And then we were saved by Ben, I just cannot believe it."

“Okay,” Lacy says with almost a little authority, “I’ll go first. I spy with my little eye, a hero’s heart that beats not for itself but for all humanity.”

“I’M NOT BEING MODEST! I JUST WANTED TO SAVE MY BUTT.” Ben screams.

“Stop it” Lacy scolds, “You are a lair, a heroic, adorable lair. You know they give medals out for this kind of stuff.”

“Oh, yeah,” I said, “I can see it now, the headlines of the paper: Boy saves minivan passengers from cow.”

“I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO DIE!”

“Whatever you say, but man, would that make a fucking awesome story.” Radar, from the back seat, adds.

It sure would, not just the cow, but this whole journey. It would make one freaking awesome story. But what would make it even better, what would really help, _would be if we found her._

 

**Hour Twenty One**

I look out the window. The cars are all driving in the other direction. There is a ton of traffic. Don’t they know we are in a hurry? Inside, I begin to hate rush hour. Then I remember not to judge people. They have every reason in the world to judge me, that crazy van going ten miles above the speed limit, but they don’t. Ever since Margo left on her long, twisted and painfully arduous journey, I had begun to wish she had never left. Not because I missed her (I did), or because I was worried (very), but because the girl I was discovering from the clues she left, was different than the girl I thought I knew. Margo thought she would live forever, always making rash decisions. I guess, I thought I would live forever too. And then I realized that, this is what makes us teenagers. We _have_ to live forever, we _have_ to live in the now. And I guess that is part of not judging too.

As the cars roll by, they seem to know why we are here and that they too, can’t judge. I can’t help it, that the love of my life suddenly disappeared, and that by following crazy clues that led to dead ends, I somehow ended up in this car. In a freakishly crazy way I am driving with Radar, and Ben, and Lacy, racing the clock to make it to Margo. Before she leaves. In our little mobile house: the van, with its rows of seats and radio and console full of food. It could keep going forever, you just give it fuel and it will forever roll down this beaten up path.

And so I guess, when we passed that cop, hanging out in that ditch, waiting to bust some speeder, I should have known. But of course I didn’t see it coming, until the lights began to blink and the cruiser pulled onto the road. The games just got interesting.

Have you ever REALLY AND TRULY looked at a cop? All those times in elementary school, that they came for career day, I never quite realized how daunting they were. And even though, we were going way too fast, I assumed that maybe just maybe, he would let us go, not judging us because he knew we were only speeding because we had to. Now that, despite the fact that he was chasing us down, for some delusional reason, I believed he would not judge.

I pull over. Then the lights, already bright, now begin flashing, green and bright as the sun, illuminating this dark dark night. It was then, in a moment captured in time, in the glow of the headlights, I would look back and think, ‘this was where is _all_ went wrong.’ It was then, as the sinking in my gut painfully grew, that I knew it was all over.

The cop gets out of his car. All I can see is his short cropped beard and the front of his hat. It is his voice though, that gets me, steely and cold like he knows who we are and doesn’t like it. Asking us for our names and doing a background check, we all hold our breath, only exhaling when he asks me for my license. And I guess, that the main problem was, that in the rush of us driving away from graduation to find Margo before she left Agloe, New York. Driving away on a whim from a clue we found on a website, living in the now. In this mad dash, I had forgotten my license. And then, after all the living and the dying inside and the vessels we’ve traveled and the grass we’ve grown, the strings we’ve cut and connections we’ve severed forever, and those cracks in our ships slowly letting water in, bringing us to our knees until we go under. After all that, we get pulled into the police station.

For some reason the police question Ben, Lacy and Radar together. He promises he’ll be back for me though. And so I wait, in a dingy, poorly lit room with grimy seats. For some crazy reason, I feel that this might be okay. I feel like I should feel a wave of disappointment that we’ll never get to Margo on time, but despite all that I feel calm. Like this is the end of the journey, like sometimes all we can do is wait. So I wait. It is then, that I see a flash of brown hair and I gasp. I thought I was alone, but apparently I am not enough of hardened criminal to be placed in a private waiting room. The girl who I now realize was standing across from me comes out of the shadows and turns. The first thing I see are her blue eyes, mysterious and sparkling, Margo.

My eyes widen as I do a double take. She is just as beautiful as I had remembered even though she is dirty and her hair looks as greasy as a piece of pizza. My face breaks into a smile. And then she begins walking towards me, carefully even though we are only like 5 feet away from each other. My smile starts to wither even before my gaze meets her eyes. They are stormy and churning.

And that was about when, Margo Roth Spiegelman, the girl who I had been loving from afar came and slapped me in the face.

“WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING DOING HERE?!” her voice blasts over me as she screams. She backs up a little and stomps her foot, frustrated, her face contorted in…anger? Yep, we were off to a great start. Eying me warily she looks like she is contemplating smacking me again. I take a step back. Taking a deep breath, she exhales, “I’m sorry Q, but really, what are you doing here? This isn’t your job, you know.”

I sigh and don’t bother asking what she means by ‘not my job’. She is far too smart to fall for a ploy like that. This was not going according to plan. What had I expected anyway? For her to jump lovingly into my arms and thank me for saving her? No, Margo could take care of herself. Hot anger begins to flow over me like a storm on the ocean waves. Why was I here?

Margo’s voice, calmer now, almost a melancholy sigh, breaks my thoughts, “I don’t know why you are here…but I do know why I am here. I was living in Agloe, New York for a while. It is a paper town; you know a fake town that a map maker puts on his map. So if anyone copies it, he’ll know. But then, somebody saw the map and made an Agloe General Store and a motel. So it’s a real place.

Anyway I was on my own. In an abandoned barn. And don’t look at me like that, I can take of myself, you know. Anyway, I met a guy named Collin, he was some child genius. Oh excuse me, he likes the word prodigy. So this prodigy was passing through, perfecting some theory on paper towns or something. He stayed a few days in a motel and visited me, helped me perfect my plans. He had a girlfriend. So, I got caught speeding when I was on my way back to, _our_ town Q. Mainly to say good bye. To you. Before I left for good.”

It takes me a minute to process…Collin. Then I get it. Something was going on between them. And he left Margo for his girlfriend. I am her last resort. I am waiting to get blown away by anger, but then again, what did I expect? For some reason I stay calm, a gentle breeze. Last resort is better than never.

“Margo, you can’t do this. You’ve been missing for months. You have no idea how hard I looked for you. You can’t leave again. You can’t leave me.”

“I can Q. The thing is,” her voice is low, “I can.”

“You’re right,” and I turn to leave. To go anywhere, anywhere but here.

Margo’s voice is quiet when she calls out to me, “You never got it.”

“Got what?”

“How I capitalize certain letters in words because I feel they feel left out. Like that message I wrote on that website that led you to find me. It had capital letters in the middle of the sentence.”

“No I didn’t get it.” My voice cracks, “I never did.” I am not talking about letters and sentences now. “I always thought you were amazing and special and spontaneous. You’re not. You’re just a girl. But now I know that.”

“Yeah? Let me tell you something Q. ‘We are all lost in this labyrinth of suffering.”

“Huh, what do you mean?”

“You’ll find out. I learned about the labyrinth from a girl that used to go to Culver Creek Boarding School.”

“Used to?”

“She’s dead now. We were friends.” Her voice is easy sounding, like she accepted the fact a long time ago. “I let her go.” She gives me a pointed look.

“Oh.”

We are so close now, her lips hovering over my ear as she whispers. It was like a string was pulling us closer and closer.

“Oh, hi” I say, my voice is a silvery whisper.

“Hello Q.” she says confidently. She flashes me a brilliant smile.

“So, um… the labyrinth, did you ever find your way out, Margo Roth Speilman?”

“Maybe. But, maybe we can never get out. Maybe we sink to the bottom of this ocean, our vessels filling with water. Or maybe, we find our way out, to daylight.”

“You ARE a mysterious girl.”

“That’s what they tell me.”

“So why did you leave?”

“I guess…I guess I didn’t want to be a paper girl in a paper town, you know? Do you think I am paper?” her voice is low.

And then, as I try to reply, she closes the gap between us. In one fluid motion, as choreographed as a dance in the rain, unpredictable, but in the same way eccentric and raw, she moves in. Her lips parted, eyes shut, the way her head is turned, it all reminds me of a tiger honing in for the kill. Maybe that’s why I jerk back right as she is about to take the death bite. Blinking nervously, I kind of laugh. It’s hysterics setting in. The one thing I had wished upon a star for, came plummeting down to earth like a meteorite. My one wish came at the wrong time, or perhaps, it was the wrong wish, completely.

“No Margo.” I firmly push her back, and then pause. Changing topics, “You are right, we are all paper, but there are good things. It is not all completely fake.”

I expect her to be nervous and a little shy, after what had happened. But this is Margo, and she is like a predator, calmly waiting and waiting, and then pouncing for the kill. So she bides her time and answers honestly. “Yes it is. What is a town that is even weaker than plastic? We lived in a paper town, Q. Not a physical one, but close. I had to get out. That’s why I left. I thought going to a place that was once a paper town and became real, would help me become real too. Agloe, New York was just an imaginary town, a figment of someone’s imagination, turned into a dot on a map. And then someone made it real. They built an Agloe Store; it is just as real as I am. Which isn’t much, but it is something.” Her words ring with strong conviction.                                                                      

“What does one buy at this store?”

“Freedom” she breathes, her voice wavering. “See. I was in a paper town. I left it behind. I was paper molded into anything anyone wanted me to be. Paper isn’t real.”

“Margo, you know you can come back now, you’ve, got to figure out that you’ve always been real.”

“I felt like I was a fake person. I was a paper doll in the wind.” Her voice is soft like she is not even listening to her own words. Her confidence cracks, like a sheet of ice, with shards piercing our hearts. And a torn heart, is almost so broken, it can’t be fixed. Almost. A single tear streams down her cheek. “We are all paper and when no one is looking, we collapse like a house of cards.” Her words do not bother me. What scares me is that her voice is so, so bitter.

“You’re right, but I mean you are still pretty real to me.’

“I know Q.”

“No you don’t. You were the one falling and sinking. You’re the one who hasn’t been paying attention. I was always here; you were too far gone to notice.” I suddenly realize I resent Margo. For leaving. For everything. “You _were_ right about one thing Margo. You are a paper doll. You’re afraid. You say you want a chance to be free, but how can you be free, when you are scared to death of yourself? I don’t want you to be with me, if I am just a distraction from your pain. These games we play, they are like a chase of cat and mouse, a waltz in the shadows with no right moves. So, maybe you’ll get out of this labyrinth of suffering, but maybe you’ll be lost forever, blindly stumbling, on your way home.”

I wait for the explosion, but it never comes. Another tear rolls down her check and starts to melt the ice around my heart. “I know you think that.” she says simply, “and you are right, but when you are in labyrinth of paper towns, it is impossible to escape. I’ll never escape, but I can try.”

“What? With your bought freedom?” I scoff, my voice accusatory. My sympathy freezes over again.

“Everything has a price, Q.”

“But not everything has a price tag.” I sigh and get up to leave. Margo is going one way in this maze and I am going the other. Right as I go through the doorway, to go anywhere, I turn around. Margo flashes me a smile and I smile back. I can see her perfectly in this cracked darkness. “I won’t be here for you anymore.”

“Maybe.” She laughs lightly, “Oh, and Q, try not to judge. We are the same you and me. I thought I would live forever too. “

“You won’t. You won’t’ live forever. All this freedom is a deadly cost. And bargains are overrated. One day you’ll make a mistake you can’t fix, and when you do, you will be shattered inside. A shard of ice, slowly melting, until nothing is left.”

“I know Q. No one lives forever. That’s why I have to live now. That’s why I have to leave. Q. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“This was all paper. Let me go.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> The ending to this basically displayed all my feelings. I tried to stay true to the characters, and you might have noticed I added Alaska, Collin and TFIOS references.


End file.
